Changes

"Change is neither good or bad. It simply is. It can be greeted with terror or joy; a tantrum that says, ‘I want it the way it was!’ or a dance that says, ‘Look, it’s something new." - Don Draper


   This quote comes from one of my favorite TV shows, Mad Men.  There are many reasons I love this show, one of which is the amazing, thought provoking writing.
   I have this quote taped to the monitor of my computer at work; it's an important daily reminder that helps me get through the stresses of the day, as unexpected change is a regular part of my day as an emergency services clinician.  And, in recent months, it has proved to be a source of personal strength as well. I've referred back to this quote many times since losing my Dad.
   What I like about this quote is that it's a real reflection on one of life's few constants, rather than a directive on how to deal with it.  It reflects the choices we can make when confronted with change, and that choice begins with letting go of viewing it as good or bad.  Seeing changes in the "bad" category often leads to the "I want it the way it was!" line of thinking.  It makes change almost a paralyzing event, it has control over us, and we can't move on from it.  I learned this firsthand over the latter half of my life, as I watched my Dad's health gradually deteriorate.  When it all started happening, it left me angry and resentful, and wore me down mentally.  Out of this experience, I learned that this line of thinking, this "tantrum" which stems from change that makes us feel powerless, ends up leaving us in a state of powerlessness.   When stuck on being mad about this bad change, and wanting everything to go back to whatever "before" looked like, we can't move on.  Even after realizing this in my adulthood, however, I still found myself reverting to this line of thought when my Dad passed away this fall.
   Okay, so maybe it's not a dance, but, reacting to change with the thought of "oh look, something new" is a more realistic, and ultimately healthier way to deal with it.  Change represents something new, and removing either a good or bad label from it, allows us to realistically accept it, and make whatever adjustments we need to be able to go on with life in its wake.  It's gonna happen whether we like it or not, so we might as well have a more accepting and receptive relationship with it.  It's something I'm relatively new at, but I've found it to be a more freeing experience.  Accepting my Dad's passing has allowed me to recognize other aspects of it; to find gratitude in the fact that he's no longer struggling physically and emotionally.  And it's allowed me to face the fact that for me, life goes on; albeit different than I had ever imagined.   
   Perhaps change is a dance, now that I think of it.  As life presents us with ever-changing experiences and circumstances, we navigate our way through it, learning new steps and a new tempo.  Maybe it's not a pretty dance, but it's ultimately better than being stagnant, shaking our fists in the air, and saying "I want things the way they were!".  To dance through change is to face it as an adult, rather than a tantrumming toddler.  And I for one would rather dance.

Don Draper; the master of dance.