Unfinished business

Yesterday was my Dad's birthday.  As fate would have it (I'm not really a believer in coincidence), I ended up getting a belated sympathy card from a former co-worker of his; someone who my Dad adored, and who had just recently found out about his passing.  This person included a very sweet letter in her card, sharing nice sentiments about my dad, and letting me know that he talked about me all the time, and really loved me a lot.  It was a really bittersweet way to start the day, and I can only think that there was a reason that I happened to forget to check my mail the day before, so I'd end up reading this on his birthday.  Thankfully, this woman included her email address, and so I was able to email her and re-connect.  It's weird to know how many similarities we've had in our lives since I last saw her.

I went to work, trying to just have a normal day, and for the most part it wasn't bad.  I ended up at some friends' house after work for dinner and that was really really great.   And today, thanks to the epic blizzard that we had, I had no work, which meant a super lazy day for me!  

I ended up taking a nap this afternoon, during which I had a dream about my Dad.  As most dreams, the events of it were illogical and unrealistic, but in a weird way, it was still nice to see him.   In my dream, I was back in my parents house, and somehow, we'd only thought that he was dead, but there was some mistake or misunderstanding, and so he was there, in the house with me and my mom.  I ended up telling him about how awful mom had been to me since we'd thought he'd passed.  (that was the realistic part).

I've only had a couple of dreams about my Dad since he passed, and it's unfortunate that in each one, my mom (and my negative feelings towards her and what she's done) has also been a part of them.  Unfortunately some really hurtful, unbelievable things have happened between her and I in the last few months; things that, in hindsight, don't really surprise me.  And, with some time having passed, I thought I was somewhat over it all, but I guess subconsciously, I'm not.  It's hard to separate out my happy memories with him from the awful, toxic ones of my other parent.   But, thankfully, I have some really supportive, awesome people in my life, and I'm just going to continue to try to focus more on the good than on the bad.