Time

I got a pretty distraught phone call last night from my sister, who's taken on sort of a care taker role for our mom after my Dad's death (despite my best efforts to talk her out of it).  And, not surprisingly, my sister was very hurt and angry because of things our mom had done to her.  It's not only hard to hear someone I care about being in distress, but it's also hard knowing that I saw this all coming, and despite my best efforts, things have played out the way they have, and this toxic human being has just gone on to hurt someone else who's tried to be helpful and supportive.   I'm glad to know that my sister's so angered, so hurt, that she's finally decided to cut off all contact, and I certainly hope that she sticks to it better than I have in the past.  Realizing that someone's just emotionally bankrupt, that they'll never be for you what you want them to be is absolutely painful, but sometimes it's vital in helping you to move on.  And even then, it's not a linear process; most of the time I can firmly realize that I'm a good person, and that I'm in a good place without her in my life, but there are times when I find myself lingering on things she's said about me or done to me in the past, and the anger comes back.  At times I struggle with just wanting to somehow make her realize what a hurtful, selfish person she is.  But ultimately I know it's a futile effort.

There's a really great song by Ben Folds called "Time", and I swear that Ben tapped into my mind when he wrote this song.  Thinking about my mom, I can connect to every line in this song.  And so I've shared the lyrics below, in case anyone else reading this can relate.

Time, by Ben Folds (from Songs for Silverman)

Think of me any way you want,
I can be the problem if it's easier
In your head, move the pieces around
Things I've said, turn the memory upside down
And it makes it better, I know
But sometimes it's hard to swallow
And in time I will fade away,
In time I won't care what you're sayin,
In time.. but time takes time you know

Tell your friends the things they want to hear and see
Start the drums, band against the enemy
And in time I will fade away
In time I won't care what you say
In time, but time takes time you know

In your head, move the pieces round and round
Things I've said, turn the memory upside down
It might make it better, I know
But sometimes it's hard to swallow

In time I will fade away
In time I won't care what you say
In time, but time takes time you know