One of the things I love about my job is that sometimes, I learn quite a bit from my clients. Case in point: In group a few weeks ago, a client said something that really stuck with me. "Expectations are resentments under construction." I've been mulling it over ever since.
Expectations in and of themselves aren't evil, but, the unrealistic ones are particularly insidious. Just about any situation that breeds anger, despair, or depression is usually anchored in an unrealistic expectation of some sort. What makes them so insidious is that they occupy space in our head without us even knowing it. And even if we do become aware of them, it takes some work to realize where they even came from. (Cue David Byrne singing "And you may ask yourself; well, how did I get here?)
Now, mind you, I'm not writing about this as some know-it-all who's rid herself of every evil little troublesome expectation. I'm actually typing this after realizing that a recent aggravation really angered me in part due to my unrealistic, unfounded expectations of people in general. Unrealistic expectations of others are those that the other person (or people) either cannot or do not want to meet. This is pretty important to keep in mind, so, you might want to read that last sentence again. If you find yourself pretty consistently being angered by other people, it might be worth thinking about this concept, and seeing if in fact your expectations are out of whack. The other harsh reality is, that if you're expecting someone else to do something that's going to be detrimental to them in some way, that too is also usually an unrealistic expectation.
Some clients have taken this to mean that they shouldn't have any expectations of others, so let me clarify, that's not my point here. But, what I am saying is that your expectations of another person should fall in line with who that person is, and what they're realistically capable of being. Or, if you're like me and have these vast ideas of what the human race should be like in general, then, I guess it's important to realize that expectations need to be happening on a more specific case-by-case basis. Expectations that are held through a realistic lens tend to lead to less anger, resentment, or disappointment.
And back to that David Byrne sentiment.. Submitted for your viewing pleasure; some Talking Heads genius
Expectations in and of themselves aren't evil, but, the unrealistic ones are particularly insidious. Just about any situation that breeds anger, despair, or depression is usually anchored in an unrealistic expectation of some sort. What makes them so insidious is that they occupy space in our head without us even knowing it. And even if we do become aware of them, it takes some work to realize where they even came from. (Cue David Byrne singing "And you may ask yourself; well, how did I get here?)
Now, mind you, I'm not writing about this as some know-it-all who's rid herself of every evil little troublesome expectation. I'm actually typing this after realizing that a recent aggravation really angered me in part due to my unrealistic, unfounded expectations of people in general. Unrealistic expectations of others are those that the other person (or people) either cannot or do not want to meet. This is pretty important to keep in mind, so, you might want to read that last sentence again. If you find yourself pretty consistently being angered by other people, it might be worth thinking about this concept, and seeing if in fact your expectations are out of whack. The other harsh reality is, that if you're expecting someone else to do something that's going to be detrimental to them in some way, that too is also usually an unrealistic expectation.
Some clients have taken this to mean that they shouldn't have any expectations of others, so let me clarify, that's not my point here. But, what I am saying is that your expectations of another person should fall in line with who that person is, and what they're realistically capable of being. Or, if you're like me and have these vast ideas of what the human race should be like in general, then, I guess it's important to realize that expectations need to be happening on a more specific case-by-case basis. Expectations that are held through a realistic lens tend to lead to less anger, resentment, or disappointment.
And back to that David Byrne sentiment.. Submitted for your viewing pleasure; some Talking Heads genius
1 comments:
I concur -- tough lesson though.
Post a Comment