Life Is Real

    "I just want to wear a shirt that says 'Validate me!' on it" a client said to recently.
This moment has stuck with me all day.  Getting to witness people having these profound insights is a  pretty great part of my job, and half the time, I don't even know if the the clients I work with realize their wisdom.  But beyond that, it struck me that this individual was telling me not just something about themselves, but about pretty much everyone.  No matter what our age, our experiences, our present standing in life, we're all looking for some validation.
     Interestingly enough, some of the most symptomatic, characterologically impaired clients I have are that way at least in part, from a significant lack of validation in their lives.  I guess if I weren't in this profession, it wouldn't occur to me how important it is to people.  It helps to keep in mind that, behind someone's passive aggressive comments, or acting out in anger, is usually a desire to be validated, or acknowledged in one way or another.  I was reminded of this in one of my sessions yesterday, what a profound impact it can have on someone to not have a painful experience acknowledged or believed by others, how that leaves that person with a really confused sense of self.
   I've been giving it some thought, and I guess for me, validation can come from a lot of places. I find a tremendous amount of it from the work I do; not from the "thank you's" I get (those are usually rare) but from the progress that I see people make over weeks or months.  Outside of work, I'm fortunate enough to also get it from my relationships, with my husband and my friends.  I'm more of an extroverted social person, so I guess this makes sense.  But I think it's just as important for people to get some sort of validation internally; whether its mastering a new talent, or being able to help someone else without them knowing it.  So, my question is, what validates you? Is it a job? A relationship? A level of performance that you've achieved at a certain sport, or hobby? Is it how many "likes" you get from a Facebook post? Is it religious faith?  The number or quality of friendships you have?